The Art of "Momming"

"Mother is the name of God in the lips and hearts of little children" -
William Makepeace Thackeray.

Have you ever been "mommed"? Not in the negative way when your mother used to nag you about something you didn't want to talk about, but in the loving way. I remember a movie by Ray Bradbury called, "Electric Grandmother". The grandma was played by Maureen Stapleton. It was about a family who loses their mother. They go to a factory and design the grandma. She takes care of their needs and when they have grown she goes into storage. Many years later when the siblings are all elderly themselves, they go to the storage facility and retrieve her to bring her back to care for them again. Of late I have thought about her, looking back so very long ago and remembering the warmth of childhood, to a time when I was "mommed" enough.

As I start to enter menopause, I am more reflective. I remember both good and bad pasts. Lives that seem so very far away from me now. But this reflective aspect of my life also brings with it memories of my mom. Now I no longer receive hugs from my mother or my grandmother. Nor do they make cookies for me or tuck me in at night. I look back at my youth and wish my mother had been more loving for a longer period of time; not getting so busy as to push me aside. I realize there is a pain in my heart for a childhood cut short by responsibility and untreated parental depression. I ask myself, "Had she been more attentive would I have turned right instead of left when....." And the question always goes unanswered. But nonetheless, I am left feeling not loved enough, not "mommed" enough.

As I look deeper into myself and my relationship with food, it is most often associated with the past, with love, with mothers, grandmothers, and aunts; for we were always in the kitchen, cooking and serving the men. Practicing the Buddhist meditation taught by Pema Chodron I ask my pain what it is that makes my relationship with food so unhealthy - the answer came back, "your pain from your mother". It is my pain that makes me a better mother, it is my pain that makes me choose careers that can be worked around children and their needs, it is my pain that makes me make unhealthy choices sometimes because I was not "mommed" enough.

Several of the Greenfire Women are women who were not "mommed" enough either. Whether through early deaths of our mothers, substance abuse, neglect, or untreated depression, we just were not loved enough. Perhaps that is why we seek out the face of the Divine in feminine form; perhaps that is why we stay in touch even after they have finished training with me; perhaps we help fill that hole - that gap from not being "mommed" enough.

Due to these revelations, I have decided that I must treat myself better. Going to the doctor or dentist, buying new makeup or creams, exercising, doing things that make me happy, in essence, "momming" myself. Along with this self-care routine, I have decided to eat healthier lunches and have started to purchase lunch from a Greenfire Woman who has started her own business, Pandora's Products. Tears came to my eyes the other day when I received a text from her, "do you have enough to eat?" This is not something I have heard in so long, no one has asked and no one has cared. I had just been "mommed".

As I went through my weeks I realized we "mom" each other in a circle of women. I stopped by my friend's tattoo shop, Ink Sanctuary, and we sat to talk for a long time. The energy in the shop was wonderful and I felt really good catching up with her. I was so proud of what she had created and glad to call her my friend - again I had just been "mommed".

So perhaps our mothers in their humanity didn't come close to the mark as mothers. Perhaps some of them just downright failed as mothers. We cannot go back, we can only go forward and seek out love from other women as surrogate moms. The Art of Momming is simple. It requires sending a card when a friend needs it or inviting them over for tea - as my neighbor did the other day. Sometimes it means listening without judgement or giving a hug. Other times it means asking, "Did you have enough to eat?"

THE QUEEN'S TEA

When I go on the radio show "Kickin' it with the Queen" on Off the Top Radio, I bring tea. The queen loves her tea. Here is the recipe she enjoys so much:
Black tea
slices of ginger
sliced lemon with peels
cinnamon
honey
lemon balm
cloves

Simmer all ingredients except the black tea for about an hour. Make the tea separately in a big pot. When it is done brewing (about 5 minutes) combine with the other ingredients, straining out the tea bags, spices, and fruit. Enjoy with great conversation!

IMMUNITEA

There are many varieties of a good tea for cold season. Most recipes include honey and lemon. I like to include astragalus, ginger, green tea and lemon balm along with my honey and lemon. You can change the make-up of the tea and include warming spices like cinnamon, cloves, and a pinch of allspice. Here is my version:
Two Tablespoons of Astragalus
One Tablespoon of Ginger (I like to use fresh slices- but dried can be used)
A few slices of fresh organic lemon peel.
If you want to uses spices such as cinnamon, cloves, and allspice you can add it here- remember to use sparingly -about 1/8 of a teaspoon- a little can go a long way.
One quart of water
Simmer 20 minutes-covered
Turn off the heat and add one tablespoon of Lemon Balm and two or three teabags of green tea - allowing to sit another 20 minutes. If you feel the green tea will be too bitter sitting for 20 minutes you can make it separately allowing it to steep for 2-3 minutes then add it to the rest of the tea. Add honey to taste and if you like it more "lemony" you can add a slice of lemon to your cup. This can keep in the refrigerator for 24 hours, just heat it up before drinking it. Remember that this tea might make you perspire, which is fine when you are really ill. It will soothe your throat and coughs too.

~Original Artwork by Hester~ Available on Cafe.press - Greenfirewoman.

St. Joan's Wort - Hypericum perforatum

Hypericum perforatum is a yellow-flowering perrenial herb that comes fro Europe. It grows wild in many meadows and it's common name is associated with its harvesting on St. John's day, which falls around the Summer Solstice. The genus name Hypericum is derived from the Greek words hyper (above) and eikon (picture), in reference to the traditional use of the plant to ward off evil, by hanging plants over a religious icon in the house during St John's day. The species name perforatum refers to the small oil glands in the leaves that look like holes, which can be seen when they are held against the light.

St John's wort folk names include Tipton's Weed or Klamath weed. It was named after the patron saint of nurses, St. John. Among feminist herbalists St. John's wort is called St. Joan's wort referring to it's ability to make a wonderful sunscreen. The reasoning behind the name is that St. Joan knew more about burning that St. John. This herb is assoicated with helping people with depression but it has so many more uses. It helps with shigles, sciatica, back pain, neuralgia, and headaches including migraines. St. Joan's wort is a very stron anti-viral and I use it when the stomach virus is going around or when I have a viral cold. This herb has long been valued for its expectorant action, clearing phlegm from the chest and speeding recovery from coughs and chest infections. St. Joan's wort is wonderful for treating cold sores and herpes outbreaks.

Used as a salve, this herbs heals burns, cuts, wounds, sores, ulcers and calms inflammation. It has antiviral and antibacterial action which is makes it effective in treating TB, and influenza. Because of these properties St. Joan's is being researched in treating HIV and AIDS.

Elderberry - Sambucus Nigra

Elderberry is known as the poor man's medicine. It is a tree of medicine and folklore. It's leaves are healing for wounds and sprains. The berries can be made in to wine, jam, or a tincture. One can use it in a tea. Elderberry has been documented to be a known cure for the bird flu. In my family we make elderberry tincture from harvested berries from our shrub in the back yard. To me, the tincture tastes very much like port wine. We use it every time the flu or a cold comes along. The flowers can be harvested and made into an infusion to break fevers. When the flowers are in bloom they have a slight anise scent to them. When my friend was undergoing chemo for breast cancer, she would take our homemade elderberry tincture every night to boost her immune system. She too loved the taste and looked forward to taking her medicine in the evening.

The folk lore associated with Elder varies; some tell of a witch that lives in every bush. One tale explains how a person can see the fey when they sit under the tree when the veil is thin during certain times of the year. Several cultures believe the Elder protects a home from being struck by lightening. We are always warned never to take from the Elder without asking. In Denmark, a dryad, Hylde-Moer, the Elder-tree Mother, lives in the tree. The Russians believed Elder would protect them from evil. And of course there is the old rhyme, "Elder be the ladies tree burn it not or cursed you'll be".

Looking Forward

I spoke to my father on the phone the other day; he's in his 80's. He just had a knee replacement and is planning to have the other done. He said, "You know if I can get around better, it can change our lifestyle. Travel more and work out in the yard, it will make a big difference." As difficult as the recuperation was from the first replacement, I felt terrific relief. What a wonderful thing to be able to always look forward to something and not say, "I'm too old, I can't do that". As I age, I will remember that I have things to look forward to also.

Welcome Blessed Spring

Spring morning marvel

lovely nameless little hill

on a sea of mist

Basho

I am listening to the birds each morning and enjoying the brighter days. The
garlic mustard greens, cinquefoil, and spring bulbs are popping their heads out
of the ground to assure me that the Cailleach really is in her white stone now.
Kore has come to bring changes into our garden and our lives again and I embrace
her. I love the gently spring rains and the feelings of the change in the air. Today
we will hang up birdhouses and invite birds to our garden. We love listening to them,
identifying them and watching their antics in the garden.