"God defend me from my friends; from my enemies I can defend myself." (Friendship Proverb)Friendship is delicate and fragile. It is like a garden and must be maintained ~ care, feeding, and weeding are a must. It can bring you great joy and beauty for a long time to come. Just like a garden there will be surprise annoyances; some strange weed that pops up from nowhere. But there will be wonderous flowers that grow up without being planted and happily grow into great beauties.
What do you do when someone you thought was a friend turns their back on you? What do you say? When you have accepted someone for all their faults and learned to love as well as appreciate them just as they are ~ what do you feel when they have not returned the favor? Loss of friendship hurts, there is no other way to say it. When I look at the loss I have recently suffered, I realize the person was behaving out of her own pain and fear.
It is the same with those you use the term "sister" or "sisterhood" to refer to a close kinship. Often in organizations or clubs one might come across these phrases.This is a term that makes you feel as though there should be safety and acceptance in the relationship. But just as when one calls someone a friend who does not behave as one, so can there be times when you are faced with women called "sister" who do not behave as such. Like friend, it is a word that is used loosely and should not be.
There is a responsibility to being called friend or sister. You are carrying someone's heart in your hands and should remember the precious cargo you hold. Perhaps it is the difference in values one is raised with or the difficulties one might be facing that makes them behave carelessly with this responsibility. But it is also true that one must be careful who they give the job of friendship or sisterhood to. Similar to choosing plants that do well in your type of garden, wise and patient choices in friends or sisters make for a better experience.
It is unhealthy to close your heart completely but it is wise to take your time with friendship and sisterhood. It is also wise to know when it is time to cut your losses and let people go. Like a healthy garden friendships should bring you great joys for your labors. Remembering that sometimes people are in a bad place at that time or they are making decisions from their pain and that the failure of the friendship may not have anything to do with you. Just like when I lose a plant, I review what I have learned and what I could have done differently ~then I move on. With each loss it still hurts, but it makes me grateful for those who love me just as I am and are glad to see or hear from me.
When a friend has hurt me so badly that I realize we cannot continue this relationship I say this Buddhist prayer:"I forgive you for the pain you caused me because the pain you caused me came from the pain you are in". Like the dead leaves from one of my failed attempts with a beloved plant, I release them into the wind.
